“One is an ordinary chap.”
I can understand that for the first few seconds you’re confused. Seeing a picture of a smug, Eton ‘boy’ with a pint of beer following the caption ‘one is an ordinary chap’ when he isn’t is quite confusing. For those of you who didn’t get confused and could tell what I was on about, well done.
For the very few of you who don’t know who this man is, it’s David Cameron, the Prime Minister of the UK. Nick Clegg, his ‘Deputy’ PM, would probably also be visible in this picture, though he’s still humping Davids leg. He didn’t even need a drop of beer for it.
So, this is a rant about the UK?
Yes. Though I would try an attempt to give you a proper overview, there’s not much point for the simple reason that the reputation of the UK is broken beyond repair, so I have no hesitation in ripping my own chunk off the bone of the government at Westminster. Not much point in doing that either, all that would come off would be garbage.
Why so negative already?
If you already live in the UK, you should know why. If you don’t, I’m sure you could hazard a decent guess.
Well, get on with it.
Ever since the Conservative-Lib Dem Coalition came into power in 2010, we all knew it wasn’t going to work. It’d be worse than the ‘Flinstones’ marriage counselling. Don’t worry if you don’t get that, just take in mind that it’d be a mess. A real mess.
And we were all right. Once again the ideal that replacing the last, as always hated government (lets not even go down the Gordon Brown route) with the next biggest party took hold of us all and made us go practically begging to David Cameron, pleading with him to kick out the nasty fat scotsman from Number Ten. Who couldn’t even count, from what I recall.
It all turned into an episode of ‘EastEnders’ however, as we gained a ‘hung parliment’. Panic ensued with those who found themselves being brainwashed by the general ignorance of tabloids, which was quite a few people. In a dash to seize power, meetings were held between the top three parties on who should partner with who. Labour missed out from the beginning, after a certain bloke spoke his mind aloud.
“Good game, guys.”
That left only one choice, which would form a, in the nicest words possible, retarded coalition. The Liberal Democrats. Though going strong in pre-election polls, Nick Clegg and his party bottomed out come election day. They were the only choice left for the Conservatives. A right-wing party grouping with a left-wing party. The perfect partnership, surely?
Perhaps it was from smoking weed (being liberal in all) or from being kidnapped by the Conservatives and being forced to watch a continuous loop of Nyan Cat, it wasn’t long until Nick Clegg and his party agreed with David Cameron. Panic over, one big happy family united. Well, for about thirty minutes, then when the Number Ten door closed: “cup of coffee please, Nick.”
What about now?
Even now after two years, only the most minor of promises have been kept. The Liberals have been reduced to nothing (coming behind UKIP and even the BNP in some bi-elections), not even being able to fight for any of their aims, such as scrapping the nuclear submarine. Perhaps painting it yellow, would give them something to smile about. Though lets not let them sing in it, for the love of god.
As for the Conservatives, well, David may be the top dog with his own little bitch, but he hasn’t been given too many luxuries by the public themselves. For example, we’ve been biting at him about pay for chief executives and their ‘packages’. They’re not going to do anything about it. The personal motto of the Conservatives: “Money, Money, Money!”
And even if they did try to do anything about it, ‘The City’ would practically base themselves somewhere else. Rage quitting is a bad habit, children.
Then there’s the constant rebellions within the Conservatives Main Base. Yes, seven people saying ‘no’ is a rebellion in the UK. Eight is a revolution. It’s pure madness. The Liberals have obviously been sharing their weed with the rest of the house.
As a clever columnist says: “It’s a ConDem Nation.” Heh. Good old columnist humour.
…This was a sketchy mess.
Probably. There’s not much more to say then, simply, we’re fucked.
Nick Clegg: “Revenge shall be mine…”